There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane.
The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds.
He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.
The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.
The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled.
He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer.
Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word.
The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total," says the Genie.
The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad’s a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."
So, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" the oceans were teaming with fish.
The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."
Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye "poof" there was a huge wall around England.
The Irishman asks, "I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it’s about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."
The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road.
He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?
A: B-52...F-16...A-10.
Q: What are the three words you never wanna hear whilst having sex?
A: "Honey I'm home."
Vote:
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..."
"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
Vote:
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob just went straight over to Joe's place.
When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work.
When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife.
Joe said that he'd started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn't be better.
Bob thought he'd give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her.
His wife burst into tears.
Bob was confused and asked why she was crying.
She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
My wife keeps telling me I shouldn’t pee in the bath – or if I really have to I should at least wait till she gets out.