I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.
Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
Q: What do you get when you take a Kitty Kat to the tailor? A: Bad Blood.
What do you call a tired cow? Milked out.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What does a bunny use when it goes fishing? A harenet.
My boss doesn't believe money equals happiness. So instead of raises, he gives us Prozac.
Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.