The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
How do you find the population of Mexico? roll a penny down the street How do you find the richest person in Mexico? SEE WHO GOT THE PENNY!
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force.
Two old ladies are at the movies. "Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off." "What makes you say that?" "He's using my hand."
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning? A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
If you're scared of dying alone then become a bus driver.
I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.
Q. What do a toilet and a woman have in common? A. Without the hole in the middle they aren't good for shit.
The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.