My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She: "What are you doing?" Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Son: Dad, it's so cold in here! Father: Go stand in the corner. Son: Why? Father: The corner is 90 degrees.
Prisons don’t keep society safe from criminals. Prisons keep criminals safe from Chuck Norris, for now.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don’t see why not," replies the doctor. "That’s funny," says the man. "I wasn’t able to play it before."
Keep your friends close, and your enemies close to Chuck Norris.
Note to self: Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?" "Because I'm Christine."
When Chuck Norris sets his watch, he sets time itself.
One day Chuck Norris wanted to make a prank to whole world. So Justin Bieber was created.
If Chuck Norris punches you in your dream you will wake up with bruises.