Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick?
A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
I was walking by a car filled with black kids, and I heard a *click* as they locked the doors.
I felt like such a bad-ass until I realized it was my car.
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Your mom is so stupid she tried to drown a fish.
A man is out shopping when he discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
He buys a pack and shows his wife.
‘They’re in three colours,’ he tells her, ‘Gold, silver and bronze.’
‘So what colour are you going to wear tonight?’ she asks. ‘Gold of course,’ replies the man.
‘Why don’t you wear silver?’ replies his wife.
‘It would be nice if you came second for a change!’
My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job.
I'm still employed.
I just can't remember where.
Yo Momma's so fat that while she's sits on the beach, the lifeguard comes up to her to say, "Excuse me mame, but the tide wants to come in."
A teacher was telling her students about human anatomy in a sex education class.
She took her pointer and pointed to the picture of a male and a female.
"The female has two breasts and one vagina. The male has one penis."
A little boy in the front row jumped up and said that the teacher was wrong.
"My daddy has two penises. He has a short one that he pees with and a long one that he brushes Mommy's teeth with!"
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood?
A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
New generic drug replacement for Viagra – it's called Mycoxaflopin.
"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?"
"No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"
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