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Chuck Norris can do push-ups with his beard.
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"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
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Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
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I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
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Sundials tell the time according to the position of Chuck Norris.
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Q: Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable? A: She wanted to mount the horse her way.
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An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?" "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"
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Chuck Norris finds it impossible to understand the concept of impossibility.
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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin... that he built with his bare hands.
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Chuck Norris is the only weapon allowed through airport security
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