Q: What is the difference between Election day and Thanksgiving day? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day; on Election day, you get a turkey for four years.
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Chuck Norris once slapped a headless man.
Chuck Norris watches Saturday Night Live on Friday.
Chuck Norris won the Boston marathon in New York.
An economist is someone who didn't have enough personality to become an accountant.
Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"
Q: Who was the smartest man in the Bible? A: Abraham. He knew a Lot.
A programmer had a problem. He decided to use Java. He now has a ProblemFactory.
Chuck Norris jumps on hand grenades to shave his chest hair.