Best jokes ever

Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-Olympic s*x. Friend: Wow, must be a terrific s*x life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 years.
Vote: has 75.08 % from 276 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”
Vote: has 75.05 % from 110 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, golf, celebrity, car
Baby, baby, baby ooh! Mom: *walks in* Are you listening to Justin Bieber? Daughter: No, I'm watching porn. Mom: Oh, thank goodness.
Vote: has 75.03 % from 77 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, music, sex
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I've had in years! I wonder how the girls are doing?"
Vote: has 75.02 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay
It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
Vote: has 75.02 % from 151 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, heaven, golf, political
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.
Vote: has 75.02 % from 178 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex, prison
Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
Vote: has 75.01 % from 284 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, technology
Why'd the Mexican army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? There was only two vans.
Vote: has 75.01 % from 169 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, mexican, military
Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.
Vote: has 75.00 % from 119 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, animal, insulting
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road.   She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Vote: has 75.00 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, women, car