Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did. I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said; "See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them." I replied, "Yes." "Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
After Chuck Norris sweats the sweat evaporates into the sky and forms what we call lightning.
The supreme court issued a ban not allowing Chuck Norris to flex his muscles, for fear of public safety.
An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.