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Chuck Norris doesn’t swim, we beats the water into submission.
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Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
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While vacationing in a remote area of Alaska, I met an old mountain man, wise in the ways one need be to live in an extreme wilderness area like he did. I asked him about the weater, did it rain a lot? He said; "See those mountains over there" and he pointed to them." I replied, "Yes." "Well," he replied, ".. if you can't see those mountains, that means it's raining. If you can see them, that means it's going to rain."
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Chuck Norris can spell roundhouse kick with five letters: death.
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Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
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After Chuck Norris sweats the sweat evaporates into the sky and forms what we call lightning.
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The supreme court issued a ban not allowing Chuck Norris to flex his muscles, for fear of public safety.
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An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
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A watched kettle never boils... unless Chuck Norris is doing the watching, in which case it explodes.
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What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
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