Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
Mum has told her little girl all about the making of babies.
Little Annie is now silent for a while.
"You understand it now?" Mum asks.
"Yes," replies her daughter.
"Do you still have any questions?"
"Yes, how about little kittens? How does that work?"
"In exactly the same way as with babies."
"Wow!" the girl exclaims. "My daddy can do ANYTHING!"
Why is there a fence around the cemetery?
Because people are dying to get in.
Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident, but he still managed to walk it off.
Vote:
My husband told me to find him the best penis enlargement product.
So I gave him a magnifying glass!
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR!
You have to help me!
Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain.
Then she poked her knee and yelled OW.
She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.”
He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.
Your mama so fat she eats ice cream with a shovel.
A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down.
The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?"
"I liked her."
"Why did you raped the boy?"
"I liked him."
"Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?"
"I'm afraid I'll like you…"
Vote:
How many mexicans does it take to build...
Oh shit, They're done!