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Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
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Chuck Norris once entered a black hole just to see what was in it. Dissapointed, he then walked out.
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Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.
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People sell their souls to the devil. The devil sells his soul to Chuck Norris.
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The Titanic didn't sink by an ice burg, Chuck Norris was doing the back stroke across the Atlantic.
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The sun is the burning remains of the last planet Chuck Norris pillaged.
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Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
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Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messes up and lands on its tail rotor. The landing is so hard it breaks off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remains upright on its skids, sliding down the runway, doing 360s. As the Cobra slides past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this radio exchange takes place: Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?" Cobra: "I don't know, Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet."
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Yo mamma is so fat she doesn't need the intenet to be worldwide.
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