When Superman wants vacation time it has to be approved by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak Japanese... in French.
‘What were you in civilian life, soldier?’ ‘Happy, sir.’
During the Cold War days, a Russian pilot is captured by the US Army and locked up for interrogation. US interrogator: "Tell us about the plans of the MiG-50 Fighter!" Russian pilot: "I don't know" He is beaten up, then he's interrogated again... US interrogator: "Tell us about the plans of the MiG-50 fighter!" Russian pilot: "I have no idea about anything, I swear!" He is beaten up again, then again and again, and finally the Americans get tired of interrogating him, so they let him go back to Russia. In Russia, when he first meets his pilot comrades, he tells them: "Comrades, learn the MiG-50 plans well, 'cause the Americans almost had me killed for not knowing them!"
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Yo mama is so fat when she left the room everyone could breathe again.
You know, I have Google+, Facebook, Twitter, Skype accounts... Man, and do you have life? OMG, No! Could you send me a link?
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Chuck Norris can keep up with the Kardashians.
A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"