Get to know your mate.
If there's something you need to know about him, just ask him right up front.
And choose the right moment because the fellas don't like opening up.
Like, after intimacy, turn around, look him in his eye and say, "I've been wanting to know, what's your name?"
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce dangling from his rectum.
"That looks nasty," says the doctor.
"Nasty?" the man says.
"That's just the tip of the iceberg."
Q: Why do we have to be quiet in church?
A: Because people are sleeping!
Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?
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Because people are dying to get in there.
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Q: Why did the Energizer cell go to court?
A: For charges of battery.
The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
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Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
When you die on Earth you go to hell.
When you die in hell you go to Chuck Norris' house.
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An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
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