Chuck Norris is the meaning of life. Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Chuck Norris' indian name is "He who can kick your ass anytime anywhere"
Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon, Chuck Norris was the first person to walk on the sun.
Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, "Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?" "Nothing," sighed the little guy despondently. "You see, today has been the worst day of my life. This morning I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss was furious and so he sacked me. I cleared my desk, went to my car, only to discover that it wasn't there - somebody had stolen it. So I got a taxi home, but when it came to paying the driver I realised I'd forgotten my wallet. I then had to go into my house but I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I left home and came to this bar. And just when I was thinking about ending it all, you came along and drank my poison..."
30 lumberjacks once tried to cut off Chuck Norris's beard... They were never seen again.
Chuck Norris is so awesome, he can dodge rain.
Bruce Lee is the only person that lived from a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. He died a year later.
CNN tells about every disaster around the world. CNN is actually Chuck Norris News.
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.