Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
When a mime sees Chuck Norris, he makes a glass wall and pretends he's dead.
Chuck Norris once won a Poker tournament using only Pokemon cards.
Chuck Norris broke the law once. It still isn’t fixed.
Chuck Norris was mauled by a bear once, then the bear woke up and apologized.
Sand is created by Chuck Norris shouting at rocks.
When the metal detector goes off at the airport, it is just verifying Chuck Norris walked through.
Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life. “Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fags in America?” comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.” The other trucker says ” You and your brother.” Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.” Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?” The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?” The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”