Best jokes ever

Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
Vote: has 73.63 % from 147 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, god
Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, its mine. 8. If I saw it first, its mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, its yours.
Vote: has 73.63 % from 355 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Q: What's a man's definition of safe sex? A: When his wife's out of town.
Vote: has 73.63 % from 314 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, wife
I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle.
Vote: has 73.61 % from 322 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog
Yo' Mama's so fat, her scale reads "Game Over."
Vote: has 73.60 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat, game, insulting
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
Vote: has 73.60 % from 108 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, money
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
Vote: has 73.59 % from 260 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde
Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits. Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie. He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: little Johnny, kids
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty stupid, but says his wife is more stupid. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a dick!"
Vote: has 73.56 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: women, bar, stupid, wife, money