If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment." I said, "I don't get it." He said, "That's right."
Chuck Norris can piss into Gale force winds.
Chuck Norris can cash two party, out of state checks with no ID, or else!
Q: What's the difference between Chuck Norris and a bear? A: Chuck Norris has more chest hair.
Chuck Norris has no freezer. He stares at food and they freeze with fear.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire? A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens? A: A meowntain.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.