Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Q: What do you call a big pile of kittens? A: A meowntain.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
Place a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a rest room to make it appear someone is using it all day.