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A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
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When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
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Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!
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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
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You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right? Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla". Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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Chuck Norris can play Bach's 9th Symphony with a triangle.
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When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
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Place a pair of pants and shoes inside the only toilet stall in a rest room to make it appear someone is using it all day.
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The Dead Sea was once alive before Chuck Norris bathed there.
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Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
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