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The Dead Sea was once alive before Chuck Norris bathed there.
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Chuck Norris's urin is said to add 300 horse power when added to your gas.
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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
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At a Wednesday evening church meeting a very wealthy man rose to give his testimony. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday: I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." As he finished it was clear that everyone had been moved by this man's story. But, as he took his seat, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said: "Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!"
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My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
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Q: Why is Chuck Norris still alive? A: Death remembers the feeling of the round-house kick.
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Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... With a stick.
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Chuck Norris is the only one who doesn't have to tell PayPal to switch the funding source to his credit card.
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Chuck Norris won the London Marathon in 2005 while sunbathing in California.
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The only reason Godzilla goes back into the ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him... for dinner.
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