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Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
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What a cannibal say to its victim? Nice to meat you.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need to breathe, the oxygen comes to him.
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Bacons' favorite smell is Chuck Norris.
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The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
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A man was beaten up by robbers on the road. He lay on the side of the road, half dead. A humanist came along, saw him and passed by on the other side. A Samaritan came by and also crossed to the other side. Finally, a modern Christian came along, looked at the man and said: "Whoever did this to you needs help."
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The following conversation took place after a recently deceased Pakistani man knocked on the gates of Heaven for about 5 minutes. St. Peter: "What do you want? " Pakistani man: "I'm here for Jesus." St. Peter: "Jesus, your taxi's her!! "
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Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
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Chuck Norris dosen't get lost... Everything around him is in the wrong place!
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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? A: H2O cubed.
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