Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.
Chuck Norris once cried just to see what it was like. The end result was the creation of life.
The Grinch stole Christmas until Chuck Norris ordered him to return it.
Q: What is height of forgetfulness? A: Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?" The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me." The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Two girls were comparing boyfriends. "Mine's the best," said the first. "I call him Seven-Up because he's 7 inches long and he's always up!" "Oh yeah," exclaimed the other, "I call my boyfriend Jack Daniel's because he's the best hard licker there is!"
Chuck Norris doesnt walk, the earth moves under his feet.
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
Q: Did you hear about the the evangelical atheist? A: She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.