Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, "Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine." Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight members said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently." "Hmm?" said the manager. "And are you sure you having nothing else to add?" "Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
A train saw Chuck Norris on the track and turned down a dirt road.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make it drink.
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.
Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Bill Gates and Jim Cannavino from IBM are arguing about the future of 32-bit operating systems. They decide to throw a coin. Cannavino: "If the number is up, OS/2 will be the new standard, if it’s head Windows95 will be the new standard." Gates: "Hey, you forgot Windows NT." Cannavino: "No, I didn’t. If the coin falls on end, Windows NT will be the future."
Chuck Norris can finish a Super Mario game with just one arrow key.
Did you hear about the blind circumcicionist? He got the sack.