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Once Chuck Norris attempted to punch through a brick wall, but the brick wall crumbled in fear.
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Patient: "I have spent 80% of my life’s savings on doctors." Doctor: "Why didn’t you come to me earlier?"
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Chuck Norris writes on pencils with paper.
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Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick me for being stupid.
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Patient: "Tell me how I can repay you for all your kindness." Doctor: "You can pay by cash, cheque or MONEY order."
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A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and as he enters, notices a horse and the end of the bar with a sign on it. Out of curiosity, he approaches the bartender and asks what the deal is with the horse at the end of the bar. The bartender tells him: "The sign says if you can make the horse laugh you'll win $50. Take note though that hundreds of people have tried and no-one has been able to do it." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So he walks to the end of the bar, whispers something into the horse's ear, and within seconds the horse is laughing hysterically. "That's amazing," said the bartender. "Tell you what, if you can make him cry I'll double your winnings." "Get out the money," says Chuck," I'll be right back." So Chuck walked again over to the horse, came back to the bartender 2 minutes later, and the horse was balling and sobbing like a baby. "Well," replied Chuck Norris, "First I told him a had a bigger d*ck than he did. Then I showed him."
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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
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Why Coffee Is Better Than Women: - A cup of coffee looks good in the morning. - You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee. - You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m. - You can make coffee as sweet as you want. - You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long. - No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee. - Coffee doesn't talk to you. - Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise. - Coffee stains are easier to remove. - Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less. - When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away. - When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat. - Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.
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Chuck Norris can spit through bulletproof glass.
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