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Ozzy Osbourne once accidentally bit the head off a live bat - Chuck Norris once deliberately bit the head off a live pterodactyl.
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Chuck Norris' muscles are so developed that he's had intellectual conversations with them.
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Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar? A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
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Chuck Norris can spell the longest word in the English language with only three letters.
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What do ducks wear to party's? A duck-sedo!
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Chuck Norris can straighten a circle.
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How far can you spit. Try to beat Chuck Norris if you ask how far can he spit, at night look at the moon and don't wonder from were the craters come.
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Q: What does an Irishman get after eating Italian food? A: Gaelic breath.
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Chuck Norris doesn't always drink beer, but when he does he has the dos equis guy serve it to him in a dress.
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How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
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