Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, because she's 18.
In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
Chuck Norris found the end of a rainbow. The leprachuan said he couldn't have the gold. So he roundhouse kicked him in the face.
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
Chuck Norris walked his version of a 40-yard dash in 5.6 seconds; he was later told it was the Boston Marathon.
Imagine being completely naked in room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you... This is life of a dog.
Q: Why do walruses love a tupperware party? A: They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
As a child, I was afreid of ghosts. As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.