Chuck Norris doesn't fall, he merely tests the durability of the floor with his face.
Chuck Norris commited suicide, and lived.
Little Johnny was walking down the hallway at school. When he reaches his classroom he looks inside and sees a sub instead of his regular teacher. Johnny sits down and the teacher says, “Now students, my name is Ms. Prussy. Not the other word, this word has an r after the first letter.” Johnny started laughing. An hour later he forgot her name and said, “Your name has an r after the first letter is it Ms. Crunt?”
One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious; "What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?" "You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!" The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?" And Bob, with a stupid smile on his face: "School? What school?"
Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you? Girlfriend: It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
A Mexican and a black person jump off a bridge, who wins? Society.
Why is Hitler never invited to BBQ's? He always burns the franks.
The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!" The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?" Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate." The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful." Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a blow job. I'm talking about jerking off."
Wanna hear a dirty joke? Little dirty Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Wanna hear an even dirtier joke? Bubbles is the girl next door.