Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
Walker Texas Ranger wasn't an action crime drama, it was a documentary.
They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D. There where no survivors.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
Chuck Norris can arrive anywhere without actually leaving.
Q: Why do hurricanes travel so fast? A: Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.