Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist? A: Cool music!
Trains stop at Chuck Norris crossings.
Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? A: Han So-high
An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I'll grant you three wishes, Master." The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie. "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. "What's wrong?" asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn't necessarily mean that I really exist."
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards? A: She wanted to gain weight!
Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
Yo mama so fat when she was in school she sat by everybody!
"Siri, why am I still single?" Siri activates front camera.