Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor? A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
The pouch respects Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris put corns in the Milky Way and eat them at his breakfast.
Chuck Norris once won a chess game after losing his king
Trains stop at Chuck Norris crossings.
An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you don't believe in me, but now you're asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said, "Well, ten seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."
Your mama is so stupid she thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses