Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.? A: Lazy.
Q: What is foreplay for a Liberal? A: Thirty minutes of begging.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
Q: Why couldn't the witch have children? A: Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin.
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? A: They already have boyfriends.