Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? A: Because they can spend years at C!
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."
Chuck Norris dosen't need to stand on top of the empire state building to kill someone with a penny.
Yo momma's so old if she were a car it would be time to roll back her odometer.
Q: What did the dentist say to the golfer? A: "You have a hole in one."
Your mama is so short, she was able to get an job application with the Oompa Loompas!
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing. Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!” “Dear God! Did you try to stop him?” “No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”
Q: What kind of music do elves like best? A: "Wrap" music!
Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.