A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought?
Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi?
Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
A bloke asks his mate "do you ever talk to your wife during sex ?"
His mate replies "yeah, if she calls."
Q: Why can't women read maps?
A: Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
One afternoon, Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she says, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?”
Mable answered, “I have a suppository in my EAR?”
She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, “Ethel, I’m awfully glad you saw this thing.
Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.”
Vote:
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem.
Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space.
They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass.
Russia used a pencil.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.
They are now The Islands.
Vote:
A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening.
She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends.
The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her.
It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings.
So, she told her parents.
They too saw him and liked him.
They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage.
But wanted her to make the first move.
The next day, she went to him and said, Hi. I'm Jada.
He said, Hi. I'm Smith.
Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.
The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency.
You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now.
So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it.
I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married.
The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend.
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London.
The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus.
The Blonde team rides on the top level.
The Brunette team down below is living it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decides to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
She says, "What the heck's going on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a bakery.
Two little boys, one blond, one with brown hair, were arguing over whose father could beat the other’ up.
The brown-haired kid said, “My father is way better than yours.”
The blond came back, “Maybe, but my mother is better than yours.”
“That’s what my father says.”