Yo momma's so fat...
The animals at the zoo feed her.
What do you call a gay guy with a sixteen-inch d**k?
A pain in the ass!
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples?
It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.
Why are asprins white? Because they work!
A female school teacher comes up to a parent at a parent meeting and says, "You know, your son called me a prostitute!"
Dad calls up his son and says: "So this teacher teaches you, helps you, wants you to get good grades and for all that you call her a prostitute?? what do you care about what she does after work?"
One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman.
The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
Phones are getting thinner and smarter.
People, not so much.
Vote:
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland.
The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black."
"No, no, no!" says the physicist.
"Only some Scottish sheep are black."
The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."