Chuck Norris went sky diving 50 times. He used a parachute twice.
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor.
The dark side of the moon is the side that cowers in fear of Chuck Norris.
A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk. Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake. When he knocks on the door, a woman comes out wearing just a bath towel, and she confirms that she wants 45 pints. "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman. "Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?" "No," says the woman. "Up to my tits will be fine."
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring.
Chuck Norris is the reason you turn a light on when you enter a room.
A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election. So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation. "Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said. A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed." The others also agree and start to make plans. So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?" "We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply. The maid shrugs tentatively. "Why do you react like that?" "What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."
Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Ass.