Chuck Norris reads with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris is ambidextrous. He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg. All at the same time.
Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank". Then the third speaks up. "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a penis".
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.” “But you are not wearing any of those things,” replied the artist. “I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I’m sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.”
I use camouflage condoms so they cant see me coming.
Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams. Son: No father I'll score 100% marks. Father: Why are you kidding? Son: Who started?
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
All wars stopped when Chuck Norris said, "Can I apply for the army?"
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her. Ms. Evans was talking about evolution. Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God. Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?" Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?" "No." "Hear God?" "No." "Feel God?" "No." This went on for quite a while. "Well then God doesn't exist." Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."