Best jokes ever

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides. When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.” One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
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More jokes about: old people, nurse, hospital
A guy has a bad habit: He loves to hit pedestrians while he drives. So one day he's driving andsees an old lady with a cane and he decides to control his urge to swerve and hit her but he can't. Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help. So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, "Don't worry. I got him with the door!"
Vote: has 70.78 % from 61 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, love, kids, church, car
What do you call two niggers in a sleeping bag? Twix...
Vote: has 70.76 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, black people
Rappers are like the pens at the bank. They all have chains on them, and don't write very well.
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More jokes about: racist, music
What's the difference between a black man and a daycare? A daycare knows when it has children.
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More jokes about: racist
Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong. He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS! When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Vote: has 70.75 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sport, drunk, drug
Yo mamma so fat she went to Japan and Godzilla said "DAMN" and ran away.
Vote: has 70.75 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, fat
Several years ago, after having Japanese executives from the automotive industry tour a Ford Plant, they held a press conference in which one of the Japanese execs claimed that the American workers were slow and lazy. Not long after, a friend sent me a picture of a bumper sticker on a truck at the Ford plant. It read - "We may be slow and lazy, but we build a damn good bomb!"
Vote: has 70.75 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can’t you do that?” “Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Vote: has 70.72 % from 200 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, husband, love
A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment. They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful naked woman on a bed. The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off. The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway. The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?". To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"
Vote: has 70.72 % from 81 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math, women, science, time