Chuck Norris is so hard, he uses diamonds as stress balls.
Chuck Norris bowled a perfect game... While using a golf ball.
Chuck Norris built the never ending stairs. Then he climbed it up.
A press release: "Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
Q: Why do blondes have "TGIF" on their shoes? A: "Toes go in first."
Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light. He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.
Chuck Norris' day consists of 25 hours.
Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier. In half.
One day two girls were trying out for the school cheerleading squad. One was a blonde and one was a brunette. After they both had tryouts, they went home to wait until the results were posted. The blonde goes to see if she made it that night. Once she found out she made it she got out her cell phone and called the brunette, but she didn't answer, so the blonde just went back home. The next day the brunette called the blonde to see if she wanted to go with her to look at their scores. The blonde says sure and meets the brunette at the school. The brunette beats the blonde to the school, so she goes ahead and looks at the scores to find out they both made it. When the blonde gets there, she finds her name on the list again. Then she says, "Yes! I made it again, I made it last night and I made it again today. I am on a roll!"
Labradoodles were made when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a Labrador and a Poodle at the same time.