Best jokes ever

A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax
Q: What is the most dangerous part of a motorcycle? A: The nut between the seat and the handlebars.
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: insulting, mean
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?” “What dear?” She asked gently. “I think you bring me bad luck.”
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has 68.00 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, men
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11
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has 67.99 % from 257 votes. More jokes about: blonde, math, phone
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.  Dave said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"  So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!  Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Dave says, "I feel great, how about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Dave says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."  "Yeah, well there's just one thing." "What's that?" "Have you farted yet?" "No." "Well, DON'T! 'Cause I'm in Perth!"
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has 67.96 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: airplane, alcohol, fart, phone, work
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup? A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
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has 67.95 % from 417 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy? A: The park bench can support a family.
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has 67.95 % from 483 votes. More jokes about: black people, family, racist
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 67.94 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: dirty
You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
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has 67.94 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: beauty, dirty, flirt, life, sex
Yo Mama So Black When I Shot Her, The Bullet Came Back And Asked For Flashlight.
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has 67.91 % from 946 votes. More jokes about: black people, insulting, Yo mama
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