A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?" The lady confirmed,
"Yes."
"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for ever.
Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.
Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
If Men Ruled the World... Laws:
Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
Car rental agencies would rent tanks.
Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car as long as you returned it within 24 hours with a full tank of gas.
Get Out of Jail Free cards would be considered legal documents.
Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!
Vote:
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire?
Zero Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
Vote:
A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilette pepper!" came the reply
Always remember:
There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’
‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man.
‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
Funny Lists: Eight ways to say "Your Fly Is Open"
1. The cucumber has left the salad.
2. You've got Windows in your laptop.
3. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
4. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Sailor Ned is trying to take a little shore leave.
7. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
8. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.