I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
Sex isn’t the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Yo mama's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
Q:Why don't blondes get coffee breaks? A:It takes too long to retrain them.
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.
Yo mama's so fat, Godzilla tried to f**k her and fell in.
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.
With just two toothpicks, a lightbulb, and his RoundHouse Kick, Chuck Norris can override the Pentagon's computer system.