Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris never actually moves. He merely rotates the earth with his feet.
The boogie man checks his closet at night for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris made the Beatles cross Abbey Road.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
The minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday. In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment. The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"
When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Galaxie 2 in the big dipper... before Nintendo was invented.