Best jokes ever

Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self? A: Beef stroganoff.

When somebody is totally angry, why not say: "Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split." Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."

A brunette and a blonde are walking in the park. The brunette asks: "Hey can you see that forest over there?" The blonde looks that way and answers: "I can't, the trees are covering the view."

A couple placed an ad: "Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter." Responses: American: "Keep trying!" Briton: "Change Doctor!" Aussie: "Follow a special diet." Indian: "Practice yoga!" Pinoy: "Let me try!"

Yo Momma is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.

Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common? A: Wet noses.

Yo mama is so fat, iPod converts into iPad, when she sits on it.

Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!

This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal. "Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!" The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded. The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!" The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes: "See honey, it's not that fucking hard."