Best jokes ever

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
Vote: has 68.32 % from 89 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money, wife, drunk
A sexy girl looks at the big beer belly of a man and asks: Is that Carlsberg or Tuborg? There‘s a tap underneath it – why don‘t you taste it yourself?
Vote: has 68.31 % from 314 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats? A total waste of space!
Vote: has 68.28 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
Vote: has 68.28 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Yo mamma so fat she broke your family tree.
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Yo mama, family, fat, insulting
A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?" The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?" The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?" The blonde responded, "20, right?" Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?" "Is it 3?" said the blonde. The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, math
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
Vote: has 68.26 % from 52 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money, food
Why dont mexicans cross the border in groups of 3's? Cuz the signs at the border say no Trespassing.
Vote: has 68.25 % from 163 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, mexican, travel
Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 want to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
Vote: has 68.21 % from 1340 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex, dating
Why do women need guys? Vibrators don’t usually pay for drinks.
Vote: has 68.20 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex