Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: They need a map....
Q: What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?
A: Bison.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you.
Vote:
A car slows down at a stop sign and keeps driving.
A cop sees him and pulls him over.
The cop asks, "Why didn't you stop?"
The man says, "I slowed down."
The cop pulls out his nightstick and starts beating him.
"Now," the cop says, "do you want me to stop or slow down?"
Q: How do you know when you are stoned?
A: When you are too phoned to stone home.
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!
Vote:
Remove the shower head and place a chicken bouillon cube in it, then put the head back on.
Vote:
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.
I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"
A man is participating in a golf tournament.
He was left to golf with just his caddy.
On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups.
The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty.
However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty.
Suddenly, Mother Nature appears.
"What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter."
"Thanks," says the man.
"But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"