Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?" Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it." Doctor: "Why?" Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in Virginia. The whole regiment is lined up in formation, and the colonel is walking around inspecting people. There are rows of marines stacked behind one another waiting to be inspected. The colonel gets to the first squad leader, stands in front of him and punches him in the stomach the hardest he can. After about a minute, the squad leader catches his breath. The colonel bellows, "DID THAT HURT SOLDIER?" Then the soldier says "NO, SIR." The colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier says, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!" The colonel gets up to the second squad leader, stands in front of him, and kicks him in the kneecap. After about a minute when the soldier is finally standing, the colonel hollers, "DID THAT HURT?" The soldier responds, "NO, SIR." And the colonel says "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier shouts, "BECAUSE I AM A MARINE!" The colonel gets up to the third squad leader. He notices that there is an erection between his legs. The colonel takes a stick from the floor, and whacks the erection with it. The man barely makes a sound. The colonel asks him "DID THAT HURT?" And the soldier says "NO, SIR." Then the colonel shouts, "WHY NOT?" Then the soldier points at the man standing behind him and says, "BECASUE IT WAS HIS."
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Sex without condoms is magical... A baby appears and father disappears.
The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn.
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
The world is like a jar of jelly beans. Everybody hates the black ones.
Why don't blacks have dreams anymore? The last one who had a dream got shot.