Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets. They do so within groups of 40.
This guy said send me a naked pic, so I sent him a picture of my kitty. She's not wearing any clothes.
A blonde pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburator," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blonde.
A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Chuck Norris haunts ghosts.
My New Years resolution is 1080p.