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It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
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Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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Chuck Norris haunts ghosts.
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My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.
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Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
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