"Why are you studying your Easter candy?" "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
Chuck Norris can make a rap video without booties and cars.
Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
If Chuck Norris were to write his own "Chuck Norris Facts", this website would have to be changed to "Chuck Norris Laws.com".
On a beach a man shouts at another man: Tell your son not to imitate me. A man to his son: Son, stop playing the fool.
Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots." Bartender says, "You want them both now or one at a time?" The guy says," Oh, I want them both now. One's for me and one's for this little guy here," and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks "He can drink?" "Oh, sure. He can drink." So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up. "That's amazing" says the bartender. "What else can he do, can he walk?" The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Jake. Go get that." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man. The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing" he says, "what else can he do? Does he talk?" The man says "Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch doctor's powers!"