Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.
The Roswell UFO crashed because Chuck thought it was a frisbee.
Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Patient: "Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?" Dentist: "Wear a brown tie..."
Chuck Norris doesn't have an Ipod, he has an Ifist.
The Mayans predict that Chuck Norris going to roundhouse kick this earth in the year 2012.
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in? Mini vans!
When Chuck Norris has a bone to pick, it's always the jawbone.
Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
I do two hours of cardio every day. But I still need to find the closest parking spot to the gym.