Grass is green,
trees are greener.
When I think of you,
I play with my wiener.
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There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''
''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his ass.''
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
Yo mama so stupid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.
There was no Big Bang at the beginning of the Universe, Chuck Norris simply sneezed.
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Yo' Mama is so ugly, her vibrator went soft.
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
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