Chuck Norris never actually roundhouse kicks anyone, the world just spins underneath him when he lifts his legs.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear sunscreen, the sun wears Chuck Norris-screen.
Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. The next day he won the lottery.
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
Chuck Norris doesn't ask, "who's your daddy?" Chuck Norris is your daddy.
If Chuck Norris drinks too much, he doesn't throw up, he throws down!
Chuck Norris can speak Spanish in three different languages.
Chuck Norris doesn't m*sturbate, he r*pes his hand.
The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
An ancient Chinese prophecy states that a man will be created to protect the lands from all evil. Chuck Norris killed that man.