A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Yo momma's so fat...
When she wears her X jacket helicopters try to land.
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?'
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking weed."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week".
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!"
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies.
"I don't have time for sex.But a talking frog is pretty neat."
Vote:
Q: Which Bible character had no parents?
A: Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America?
A: Throw a cookie into the street.
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
Vote:
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.