What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.
Chuck Norris has his own protien powder. The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses? His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.
Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? A: They're cheaper than day rates.
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".