Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet.
She is funny, s*xy and flirty.
Now she tells me she is an undercover cop.
How cool is that at her age!
There was once a lady making a stew for dinner when she found she had no onions,so with no time to waste she raced to the shops, burst in saying could i have some onions please.
The shopkeeper replied sorry lady we are fresh out of onions.
The lady said but i really need onions and gave all the reasons why in one big sentence.
The shopkeeper said look lady,I`ll put it to you another way and continued to ask her- if you take the o from tomato what do you have?
The lady said tomat,Yes said the man and if you take the o from potato what do you have?
The lady said potat.
Yes said the man behind the counter,now if you take the fuck out of onions what do you have?
"But there's no fuck in onions",said the lady,Yes said the man, That's what I have been trying to tell you!"
Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering a minor.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
Q: Why did the cannibal tax auditor get disciplined?
A: For buttering up her clients.
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Q: What do you call a lesbian with eight girlfriends?
A: An octopus.
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A Liverpool docker went to South Africa for a job.
The boss tells him, "Its people like you we want here. Here's a test. There's a revolver, go out and shoot 6 niggers and a rabbit."
The docker asks, "Why do I have to shoot the rabbit?"
He got the job.
Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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Did you hear about the Mexican train killer?
He had locomotives.
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
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