Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
Define "Egghead": What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
Q: What did the Arctic wolf ask in the restaurant? A: "Are these lemmings fresh off the tundra?"
A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
Chuck Norris is spelled with a silent "awesome".
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
Lays chips claims "No one can eat just one". Wrong. Chuck Norris ate ONE, laughed then ate a whole bag of Doritos.
Thomas Edson made a shadow on a paper that Chuck Norris was reading, then Thomas Edson decided to create the electric light.